2006-10-26 - 6:23 a.m.

Birthday Aftermath
Oh the sugar high and subsequent crash from too much cake.. such delightful misery! I got such a lovely collection of prezzies. I was given a delightful secret. I was given an excuse to go visit New York. I was taken to dinner without knowing where we were going. The destination was good, but the trip across town without knowing where we could be headed was even better.

Things that would make a totally kick-ass prezzie for The Cat Lady
Magnetic Poetry� thank you J! Now I just need the one with all the dirty words� Oh, no wait� the guys made up their own dirty words out of the lovey-dovey poetry. What they did was just wrong. Although it was great to see four grown men crowded around my refrigerator saying things like, �we�ve got to put in for + skin.� Everything about this poem is just flat wrong. I took a picture, but it is really much too offensive to post.
Bobblehead Jesus� Best thing ever. You know what�s really funny� bonk Jesus on the head so he agrees with everything you say. At the same time, say �woo-hoo�. Someone will ask you what you�re so excited about, and your only answer should be �Jesus.� It�s nifty. The unsuspecting will think you�ve become a religious nutcase, while the ones who know you best will know you just bonked Jesus on the head again.
Coming soon, a new super-friend for Jesus: bobblehead Buddha.
Mood Ring� love those things
Other Ridiculous Fake Jewelry� like a princess crown or some other silly crap (Mary says I should have come with a caution label for my boyfriend. Warning: Princess!)
Saint Francis�s head�. You see, I am going to steal the Saint Francis statue out of my grandmother�s garden. (Don�t worry, I already told her I was going to do it someday. She didn�t seem all that worried.) Only before I steal Saint Francis, someone has to find his head and re-attach it for me.
Anything that is wrapped with superglue� This is a totally new idea. I have always used to much tape on presents, but nothing compares to the leftover Christmas paper decoupage in which the magnetic poetry was wrapped. J couldn't find any tape, but he had plenty of superglue. It made an excellent birthday puzzle trying to get into Fort Knox. I am very easy to amuse.
Stupid gamer t-shirts� this is on the fence. Right now I think that goofy t-shirts are absolutely hilarious and a must have in the oddball wardrobe (pictures to come later***). But, next year, they may be completely out again.

Things that DO NOT make good prezzies for The Cat Lady
That stupid frilly pink sweater that I got in high school� I only wore black. Maybe a little grey once in a while, but you had to be kidding! Pink? Yuck! It was a conspiracy: a pink sweater from one person and some pink rose earrings from another. I'd probably like the earrings now, but they were a total waste on that little high school punk.
Toothpaste� One year Santa Claus was a total jerkface and filled my stocking with toothpaste and other crap. Bah! Not gonna get any more cookies from that five-year-old!
Puzzles with too many pieces� I don't care how cool the picture on the front of the box might have been, if there are too many pieces, I will not have the required patience.
Books� I have very eclectic tastes in reading. Without suggestions, I will read almost anything. With suggestions, I may start to feel like it's high school and I have been given an assignment. So unless you are buying me a collection of my favorite newspaper comics, I will probably never read it.

***Poor Camera
What the heck happened to my camera between Saturday and Friday? It had to have been dropped on its head or something. The LCD screen broke. It still takes pictures and all, but without the screen, it was just annoying. So, I mailed it off to Norway to annoy someone else for a while. Anyway, how did it happen? It worked fine when I visited my mother, then the next week it was all busted up.

Reality took a Wrong Turn Somewhere
Ok, I have now officially joined the rest of the world. I am pretty sure that I was the last hold out on the planet. I have been sucked in and started watching a reality show. Oh the shame of it all! Previously, I had been opposed to all of them, and even to regular shows that vaguely reminded me of the reality shows. But, that was all before �Who Wants to be a Superhero?� I have no idea why, but I was sucked in immediately and now I watch every episode. Luckily it�s on the SciFi channel and they only made about six or seven episodes in total.

Anyway, the participants on this show are competing to be declared some kind of real life superhero. They have bizarre names, wear funky spandex costumes around town, and profess to hold the highest principles. The manufactured scenarios and challenges are all judged by one person, the uber-god of all comic book nerds, Stan Lee. In the end, the winner probably gets some money, but the real prize in this game is that your character gets a comic book. Nerds everywhere would wet their pants at the thought.

The challenges are all geared around testing the superhero stuff like self-sacrifice, helping little old ladies, and keeping their secret identities a secret. Of course a few of them get caught in lies. Lies! From a superhero! Noooooo!!!! Stan kicks them out straight away. Are you a toy-manufacturer who will probably benefit greatly from winning the game? You�re out. Are you secretly an actress who is trying to land a job? You�re no superhero, get out. Oh, and mr. male-stripper: I think you should totally win. You�re hilarious. But, you are gonna have to keep your costume on. Clothes must stay on! Superheroes never get naked. :-p

I have several friends that I would love to see on this show (although, maybe not so much spandex�). Bunch of crazy geeks.

Why do they call them Reality shows?
They are about as far from reality as I have ever been. Nothing about the contrived situations is even vaguely reminiscent of my life or indeed of anyone else that I have ever known. I guess the only thing that is based in reality is possibly the fact that most of the contestants on the reality shows are regular people who have never had an acting lesson in their lives. It would sometimes be much better if they had. Editing can only create so much out of nothing. Why aren�t they just called game shows? I mean that�s all they are, right? You go play a bizarre game while on television and win a million dollars at the end of several weeks. Last time I checked, that is called a freaking game show.

Laid Off Via E-Mail!?!
Dear Valued* Employee,
Please pack all of your personal things into the trash bags provided near your desk. Then proceed to Human Resources for your exciting re-assignment to our �Pursuing Outside Opportunities� Division. Read fast as your computer log-in will self-destruct in ten seconds. Also, the office vultures will be arriving momentarily to pick over the remains of your desk, try out your chair, and steal supplies. Have a nice life and thank you for working at Radio Shack.
*valued about as highly as a paper clip

I spend way too much time each day checking to see if I have gotten any new text messages in the last ten minutes. I have gotten addicted. This just can�t be healthy.

I am going house-hunting again this weekend. The CatLady is seriously thinking about jumping off the bridge of responsibility. this is old� I actually jumped off the bridge a couple weeks ago� more to come on that later.

previous - next